So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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