He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion