So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.