What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.