Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..