He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How does one acquire holy water?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
