You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
