That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
