So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
