I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i now understand why vodka
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
