They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
