even my farts smell like vagina
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
