and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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