if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
