my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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