my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
