dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
