Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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