if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
