You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
