i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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