i was rollin on her like bob the builder
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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