Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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