He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
