They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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