She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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