Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
