thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
