I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
