She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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