She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
