I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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