How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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