Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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