Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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