non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
