i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
