she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
