Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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