I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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