you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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