i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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