Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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