I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
