Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
