he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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