she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize