I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
