he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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