I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no you cant smoke seaweed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
