dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
