Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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