I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
