What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
