Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
