There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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