Porn is love you can see.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love you. Go after that dick
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