she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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