'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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