I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
