either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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