but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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