why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
