All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
