I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
