if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
